Sunday, 5 June 2011

Dear Mr VolksWagen (again)

Congratulations! You've done it!

The new Jetta looks exactly like the new Passat, only smaller.

Are you mad?

Friday, 25 March 2011

Dear Mr Motoring Magazine/Website

I could be wrong, but I get the impression you like the VW Golf.


It can't be due to back-handers, I'm pretty sure VAG wouldn't do that, not to every single magazine/website.

Could it be, perhaps, that you're slightly out of touch with the public?

Time and again you praise the Golf for it's style, or build quality, or road manners, or reliability and yet, as far as I can tell, it's pretty middling in all those areas. Others do it so much better.

I was trying to think what cars, in a like-for-like head-to-head, I would choose over the Golf, were I in that position:
Golf vs Vauxhall Astra: Astra - much more stylish
Golf vs Ford Focus: Focus - better handling and (in its latest incarnation) pretty stylish too
Golf vs Skoda Octavia: Octavia - price and interior space
Golf vs Kia Cee'd: Cee'd - price and 7 year warranty
Golf vs Toyota Auris: Oh, OK, I'd probably take the Golf, unless reliability was paramount

So, if anyone would care to enlighten me as to why the Golf is so feted by motoring journalists, I'd love to hear it.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Dear Mr Ford

You need to change your advertising agency. Or possibly your marketing department.

Your latest radio ad includes the line (as a "plus" point): "And it's a Ford"

That makes it sound as if your are an inspirational, prestige brand. Guess what? You're not.

There are, no doubt, still plenty of people who, when faced with a new car purchase, will automatically choose a Ford, because that's what their dad drove, and his dad before that. That, surely, explains why the Escort continued to see long after it's best-by date.

But, really, give your average man in the street, say £20,000 to spend on a new car, any car, completely of his choosing. How many, do you think, will think "I really want to buy a Ford"?

Not many. Honestly.

BTW, I'm not saying your cars are bad. I got over my Ford hatred a while ago (about the time you finally dropped the Escort, actually).

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Dear Mr BMW (Part 1)

I'm afraid I have so much to say to you that I will have to address you in multiple parts.

I used to admire your design. You managed to take each generation of your models and evolve them in such a way that the out-going model was still desireable and yet the new one was even more so. It was a pleasure to watch the launch of each 3-series and think "Yup, they've done it again."

Those days have, sadly, gone. And it was the latest 3-series that started it, I think.

The whole design ethos looks a little clumsy now. You just about get away with it on the 3 and, let's face it, you could make that look like anything and still sell bucket-loads to companies whose employees still thing they've "arrived" once they can choose a Beemer as their company car. And so I sort of applaud you for the 1-series so that ore junior staff could get that warm fuzzy feeling. Shame, then, that it's such an ugly-duckling.

And as for the X1. What is that all about? It looks as if someone designed it the drove it at speed into a brick wall, and then reversed it into another equally solid object. Take a look for yourself..

More later.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Dear Mr MINI

(Note that I used the correct all-caps for MINI).

I fear that something has been lost in translation.

You know that MINI means "small, compact", right?

So why is the MINI getting bigger?

There used to be a British Leyland car called the Maxi. That was well-loved. Why not use that instead?

Tuesday, 1 March 2011

Dear Mr Nissan

I'd love to know who won the bet, and how much he pocketed as a result. I must also applaud you for making it abundently clear, to anyone who stops and thinks for a minute, that this was never meant to be taken sersiously. I get it, okay.

It's just a matter of how clearly you write. If your handwriting is anything like mine, it's easy to see an O as a U, so it's a matter of misreading "Joke" for "Juke".

It's funny, it really is.

What? It's in production? People are buying them?